I remember some of the lies I was told growing up, not particularly by my parents, sometimes by enthusiastic classmates, neighbours and relatives. One of them was that if anyone looked at the mirror at night they might see a masquerade (aka ojuju Calabar). The most ridiculous of them all, was that if you mistakenly swallowed a seed from a fruit, the tree would grow on your head.
Some of us haven’t yet figured out that we eat excessively, due to habits caused by depravation. I’m telling you, the first time I ate a whole egg by myself, it felt like I was doing something really evil. I believe gizzdodo was invented just so we could retaliate for all the chicken gizzards we could never have tasted as children (definition of sweet revenge).
Looking critically at these stories, they all had some kind of essential morals to them. Okay maybe not the masquerade in the mirror, but most of them kept us in line till we were wise enough to figure out that touching boys hands won’t get anyone pregnant and eating all the beans in the world would not have made me tall, my grandfather’s genes already took care of that.
Imagine having to say to your friends ‘my parents always told me the truth’ (yimu x10) where is the fun in that? Some of these stories have been passed on from many generations; they are a part of our national treasure. So the next time your kids don’t do so well in school, pull them aside, look them straight in the eyes and say ‘listen, when I was your age I was always first in my class’. I must warn you though kids these days are born with microchips, so be armed with several backup stories in case they somehow present you with screen grabbed shots of your WAEC and NECO results. Do you remember any funny fake stories your parents told you, please share in the comment section below.